i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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