ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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