god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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