u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
