Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
don't judge my taste in strippers
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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