i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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