She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
