I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
