Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
