i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
