Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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