Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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