found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
