but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
