Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
