I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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