He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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