So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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