Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
