apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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