Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
