I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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