Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
