I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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