I am puke
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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