I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Randomize
