Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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