Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I bet he comes in French.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I did not marry a roomba.
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