Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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