I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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