I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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