You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
