Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
