So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
