A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
