And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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