Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
