If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
