he thought i was a dude.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
