Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
