Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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