Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Randomize
