how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
