Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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