i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
