eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
