so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
