I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
