I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
