i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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